Hanging up my Super Woman cape

If you were to ask me how the last 3 weeks have gone, this picture is a pretty good representation.

Since Daddy has been gone, everyone in this house has gone flippin' NUTS.

I've been kicked, yelled at, directly disobeyed, and covered in you-don't-want-to-know-what. I've dealt with allergies for children AND a pet as well as numerous doctor's visits for kids and the same said pet with allergies. My phone died for a few days and internet went out for a few hours, making me feel entirely trapped in a house with 4 tiny people depending on me. I've been kept up nearly every single night by at least one person who refuses to sleep. It's usually the boys, honestly. If I think maybe they are so tired I can sneak a nap in the afternoon, a different child will make sure that doesn't happen. Many nights Caleb goes through a colic-y phase. It's usually when I have to make dinner. During the colic spell he doesn't want to be in the baby carriers. He wants to be held and rocked and bounced all at once. The problem with this is he's quite heavy, and it's pretty much impossible to hold him and cook dinner. So instead I rock a sobbing baby in the Rock N Play while cooking dinner, taking breaks to try to give him a paci or hold him for a moment. Barrett...well I posted about him once before. He's 3, and he has skin problems. He screams a lot. He kicks hard, even when sometimes he isn't fully awake. The girls are dramatic and sensitive. Rosalie's sass is immeasurable at times. Thank God for Olivia and her willingness to be a helper. I really don't know what I did to deserve her. Yesterday she tried so hard to keep her baby brother happy while I quickly bathed the middle two kids and took all of the trash to the road for pick-up.

I thought I could be super woman and handle it all solo for 3 weeks. I was so very wrong. I have never felt like such a loser and a failure before. Changes in routine make kids crazy anyway. Throw in a 2 month old baby, various skin reactions for various members of the household, and postpartum hormones, and oh my gosh. I'm not super woman. Thank goodness for the nights when mom could stay and help or watch the kids so I could go to the store. I'm so thankful that our sunday school leader had people help take care of my yard so HOA wouldn't jump on my back for something I could never have taken care of on my own. Thank God for the Sunday school classmate. who made dinner for us one night. I can't wait for tomorrow when I go pick my husband up from the airport and my other half is back. I don't know how single parents do it all the time. You guys are amazing. It's one thing to know your husband is coming home at the end of the day and you have a partner again. It's another when you know that at the end of the day, it's still just you who has to do it all.

I usually try to post the funny, light-hearted, clever moments in my day. There haven't been a lot of those in the past couple of weeks. I'm so tired but there are still 4 children awake and making noise in this house. I could go upstairs and try to get them to calm down again, but for what? It'd be the millionth time in the past few weeks and in 5 minutes I'd have to do it again.

And dear HEAVENS if anyone thinks they have the magical solution to all of my problems, please, I beg you, keep it to yourself. I don't need your solutions. I just needed to say it all out loud. These past few weeks, in short, have sucked. Please just pray for us. One more night and I may finally get a decent night's sleep. And when my house finally feels whole again and everyone is calming down, I just may allow myself some time to cry alone.

There's a potty in the van!

I have a love/hate relationship with the place I currently live. 

Things I love: it's close to family. I grew up here so I know where almost everything is, good church with great people, and we have a nice homeschool group. 

Things I do not love: traffic and crazy people. They often go hand in hand. 

So yesterday....

I was driving from my house to my parents' house. Everywhere I go feels like it is on a time limit lately. Not only do 4 small children have short fuses, I have a 3 year old who recently potty trained and doesn't always realize he has to go until it's almost too late. He also doesn't like using strange bathrooms. There was an incident where he kind of fell in at Toys R Us. It was NOT on my watch. Hence, we have a potty in the van. It's simultaneously the most disgusting and ingenious idea ever. Whoever told me to have a potty in the van, I can't remember exactly who it was, but THANK YOU! 

So I'm on the way to my mom and dad's house on a 4 lane road that has this median in the middle. Two teenage dudes are walking down it with their back toward me. One of them steps off of the median and starts walking in my lane. IN MY LANE!! And here I am about 5 seconds from plowing in to his behind! Luckily for him (and my windshield) I had just checked my blind spot and there was no one nearby, so I swerved in to the other lane and missed his sorry butt. 

My first thought was not "thank God I missed that poor, stupid teenager and spared his skinny life." No. It was "thank God I didn't hit that kid because I really do not want to have to sit here with all the kids in the car while we wait for the cops and ambulance." 

That sounds awful I know. I care about people I really do.

I also had this image in my head of a police officer coming up to question me as I hold my three year old on the portable car potty and telling him "sorry officer! I'll be with you in a moment! My kid has to pee pee." 

That's where my priorities are lately. If it's me alone running errands with all 4 kids and the oldest yells "I have to potty!" it becomes a panic situation. I will yell "can you hold it for 10 minutes?" And then debate silently if I can make it home quicker than I can get everyone in to whatever the nearest business is with a public restroom. Trust me, it's often quicker to get home. "Have them go before you leave the house!" you say. Well, I do. But tiny bladders are just that--tiny. And sometimes a 30 minutes trip out of the house will still result in one panicked situation of needing the bathroom asap.

And this is why I drink coffee. Because if I had been less aware of some guy stepping in to the direct path of my vehicle and been a little slower, I would have had to give my testimony to a police officer while holding a kid on a portable potty on the side of a fairly busy road.