I am sure, based on the title, that you think I am going to talk about the little things that my kids do that make me feel appreciated and loved. Maybe you think I'll talk about the little fingers and toes, the little faces with big, bright eyes and cheesy grins. The few times my kids put their dishes or toys away without even having to be asked. Or maybe it's the little things that my husband does for me that make me swoon over how great of a spouse he is? He is a great spouse. Maybe you think the little things are how he will rub my back if I walked around a store with all three kids in tow, always carrying one because I was stubborn and decided an errand couldn't wait until he got home, and I am sore at the end of the day. Those are wonderful massages, after all!
But the little things that matter here are really these: the things that a stay-at-home (or even a working mom!) does for herself.
I have read it and heard it several times. I have been the one to say it myself. "I am so overwhelmed. I need a break. I am exhausted, rundown, and I'm tired of the screaming and crying." As a mom and a wife, you try to put everyone else first all of the time. You are trying to keep everyone alive, fed, clean, and mostly happy. If you have more than one child, the job is even more daunting. So what can you do to make sure you keep your sanity and feel like a human being?
For one, take a shower. For goodness sake, just jump in the shower for ten minutes. Before I had my first child, I read a lot of stories of women not taking showers for days. I thought it was crazy! They smell of poop and spit-up. Their hair is messy and disorganized. They say they don't have the time. After my daughter came, I fell in to that trap for a bit. I have this human being in my house is so utterly needy, she has acid reflux and rarely is happy. Every time I put her down alone she cries. And then I remembered a key thing: I'm not parenting alone! I have this handy thing called a husband! So he would get home from work, I'd hand the baby off, and I would go stand in the hot shower for a bit. It is amazing how human a good shower can make a person feel. And maybe your husband isn't home much or you aren't married. Bouncers are a great invention! Bouncers, swings, play yards with a few baby safe toys, even nap time can be used to your advantage. If you have a baby who just won't go to sleep and you have tried everything, maybe the sound of water in a warm bathroom will help lull them to sleep. That trick has worked for me before!
Secondly, go to the store alone. With small children, you know there is a time limit to how much you can get done at the store before someone loses their mind. If it's the infant, maybe she will get fussy. The toddler might decide he is tired of sitting in the seat and start yelling while yanking the seat belt and trying to stand. The preschooler will eventually start taunting her toddler brother. Maybe you usually call your husband and say "on your way home, can you stop by the store and grab a carton of milk?" instead of dragging the kids out of the house. Instead, maybe wait until your spouse gets home and then say "by the way, I need a few things at the store. The kids are all changed, just make sure they survive while I'm gone. Be back soon!" And RUN! Before any of them can figure out that you have your purse and car keys in your hand, bolt for the door. Ignore the sobs of the toddler behind you as he figures out what is going on. He will be fine in two minutes, I swear. He will find that car and start pushing it around the floor and be completely content in to your return. The main point here is, don't turn back. If you forgot your cellphone, you'll be okay for 20 minutes without it. Heck, sometimes it's even nice to get out and be unavailable for a bit. It's just a quick run to the store.
Another suggestion I have for you is exercise. I know what you are thinking. "I run after children all day, I think I have exercised enough. We played ball and I had to wrestle squirmy little people in to pajamas." But that's not what I mean. Whether it's something extreme, a moderate cardio workout, or just going for a walk around your neighborhood, try to get the heart pumping a little more each day. It's nice to get a little sweat going that isn't based on anxiety! And it's good for you. We moms spend our entire days making sure everyone is healthy, but we need to set the example that mommy is worth taking care of too. So get up, and get moving. Also, exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy....and do I really need to finish this quote?
Next, buy a bra. Oh my goodness I am talking to myself so much with this one. You've been wearing that exact same nursing bra for four years, since you had your first child. The wire is starting to poke through. But, your kid REALLY wants that pair of shoes that light up. Or maybe they want some more bath toys. Either way, you have been putting off buying yourself something that you want or maybe even desperately need. I did this for a long time. Until quite literally I was being poked in the sternum by the most uncomfortable wire in the history of wires poking people. That was when I broke down and went bra shopping. And I felt so guilty. I really could have used that money to buy an extra birthday gift for my daughter's upcoming birthday. She already had several gifts wrapped and hidden in the back of my closet, but I had just thought of something else that would be really cool. Well, stop it. I'm not saying to not buy your kids something they need. I'm saying that once in a while, buy yourself something you need before you buy something that they want. And oh my goodness, the moment I put on and wore a new bra that wasn't stabbing me and making me more cranky, the moment the guilt faded away.
Finally, read something that doesn't rhyme. I don't care if it's a magazine, a newspaper, or a good book. Sometimes reading something that doesn't have nonsense words or rhyme is refreshing. Have you lost count of how many times you have read Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You? I sure have. My kids think it is great that I can make the same sounds Mr. Brown can make, and they will mimic me as I read. It's a fun book, the first 100 times you read it. But how about, when the kids are all quiet or asleep, reading something meant for adults? Stimulate your brain a little bit. Maybe you loathe reading books. So pick up a hobby! If you are a crafty individual, bless you because I am not. Do some crafts that don't involve glitter. Take that online course you have been wanting to take. Finish your degree so maybe when the kids are all in school you can go to work like you have been considering.
Whatever it is that makes you feel like a human being, DO IT!
So what's the point of all of this? I'm not telling you to neglect your children. I'm not telling you to let them wear holey outfits while you get a manicure every couple of weeks. I'm telling you to find something that you enjoy: something to pamper yourself and make you feel like an independent human being and not like Cinderella before Prince Charming.
I know some moms don't have a spouse, they work outside of the home, and they are still as run down and neglected feeling as a mom who stays home with the kids. Make some friends and switch off babysitting once in a while. I'm not sure of your situation, but I bet you can find a way to sneak ten minutes in for yourself a few times a week. I know some of what I am saying depends on others helping you, but remember that you never have to be alone in this world. It takes a village not just to raise a child, but to keep mommy sane!
Sometimes the best thing example we can set for our children is to take care of ourselves. How are we supposed to teach them that they need to take care of themselves if we neglect our own needs and wants?
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